I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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