don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
