I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
