It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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