Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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