i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
