forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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