Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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