good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
