This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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