Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
