is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
