chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
