my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
