on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As shirtless as possible
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
