He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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