Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize