Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
