Im at strip club and am horny
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
