Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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