Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
