True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
