I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
