So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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