I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
