he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
They are going to name an STD after you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
