i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I forget how to act sober
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
