everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
