Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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