The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
