Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
