BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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