she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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