Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
