Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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