The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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