This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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