Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
