Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
