If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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