I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
