i already hear my dad disowning me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
