So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
