Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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