Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
