arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
