you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and she was petting her beer can
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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