She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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