WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
