I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
