we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
