I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
