His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
