My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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