You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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