Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
