Christians are straight up FREAKS
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
