i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
