you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just pynch a tree in the face
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
