Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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